Waking up after a wasted night is the worst. The head ache, the nasty taste of alcohol left in your tounge, the bad decisions…
The bad decisions…
I am one of those people who lie awake at night and thinks about the things I should’ve said and done. I used hate the fact that some choices I made before ruined me but I’m way past that now because everything is falling in the right place. Some night I still wonder “what if?”… that thought I guess, is inevitable. We often believe that the things that didn’t happen are way better, I guess that’s why most of us are still suffering.
Regrets are the worst. This is going to be a little personal, I am going to tell you the story of my grandfather. Growing up, I noticed that my grandfather has always been a quiet man. We often talk, just small-talks honestly, I never had the guts to talk to him because I have no idea what to talk about. I often go with him on his check-ups, and cook/bake some food for him and that’s about it.
The thing I know about my grandfather is that he had three? Or maybe four wives? And I didn’t know (until I was in high school) that I have an uncle and a cousin from I don’t know where that I still haven’t met yet. He wants to go back home to where he grew up but he doesn’t have the strength to do it anymore. You see, my grandfather is dying man, he’s been sick for years. I saw him cry, and complain about his illness/life and I hate to say this but I feel bad for him because I know he is a man full of regrets.
These past few years, every time I see him I tell myself that I don’t want to end up like him. Don’t get me wrong, I wanted to comfort him the way I know how but I feel that he just shut himself out from everyone. I could only wonder what are the things going through his mind. I learn a lot from observing old people and I try my best to do things right based on what I’ve seen. I guess that’s why why I never dreamed of having a big family.
Life is funny, don’t you think? we make things up in our head, we created reasons, we believe bad things are lessons, to somehow comfort us, but if you just look closely, life is full of suffering because of the choices we made. What’s more terrible is the fact that we can never avoid these sufferings, that’s why what I want to tell you is this;
Life is not about pleasing or making the people around us feel comfortable on our decision. It’s never about them, It’s about us being genuinely happy and feeling alive. If there’s something you want to do but the possible opinions of others is what’s holding you back, re-evaluate your decision.
Wondering leads to living in agony. Embarrassment, Pride, Anger, time will come and those will pass, but Regrets,
Regrets are forever.
Make life worth it.